


The Deepest Sighs, The Frankest Shadows

by AJP_37



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, snapshots of life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:14:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23649769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJP_37/pseuds/AJP_37
Summary: Sirius Black had been turning his life upside down since the first night he had spent at Hogwarts.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	The Deepest Sighs, The Frankest Shadows

“Could be Hufflepuff,” The Sorting Hat whispered in 11 year old Remus’ ear. “You could fly under the radar there. Nice and close to the kitchens and the chocolate. “Or in Ravenclaw, where your knowledge will be rewarded.”

“I don’t know.” Remus closed his eyes tightly. He never really believed he would get this far, that any day Dumbledore would write his parents to say he had changed his mind about letting a werewolf come to school. He had always assumed he would have to be homeschooled, until the Headmaster had turned up, blue eyes twinkling as he drank tea with his parents and stepped them through his plan for managing a pre-teen werewolf in a boarding school. 

“But you must be brave.” The Hat hummed, “To come to this school with your condition.” 

“Brave or stupid? Remus muttered, his eyes fixing on the Gryffindor table, where the loud first year boys he had seen on the train were busy, loudly swapping their generic Hogwarts school ties for new red and gold ones.

“Only one way to find out.” the Hat bellowed “-GRYFFINDOR!”

The following feast was a blur, until all of a sudden he was shepherded along with the other first year Gryffindor's up into the tower. A small red headed girl chatted to him along the way, introducing herself as Lily and quickly shutting down one of the boys from the train when they began asking, through a mouth full of pumpkin pie, how Remus had got his scars.

As soon as the prefect shut the door, Remus found himself set upon by the loud boy from earlier, now apparently named James, who took the liberty of jumping onto Remus’ bed as he introduced himself. 

“I’m James Potter.” Remus nodded, eyeing the boy as he made himself at home in Remus’ space. “This is Peter- he’s quiet too- and also Siri-”

“Sirius Black- about to be disowned by his whole family.” The other loud boy yelled, throwing himself from his bed onto Remus’s to lie next to James, his hands fisted in his mop of dark curls dramatically. “I saw my cousin Cissy writing during the feast- probably to my mother.” 

“Sirius is the first person in his family to be sorted outside of Slytherin.” James explained, pulling a chocolate frog from his pocket. 

“Watch- there will be a howler waiting for me at breakfast.” Sirius sighed, grabbing Remus’ pillow and cuddling it, clearly not caring about Remus’ personal space in the slightest. “And then the whole school will know my shame.”

Remus smiled nervously. Would these boys still be all up in his space if they knew his shame? If Sirius really was from the Black family, then how would he react if he knew? 

“And you; Lupin, Remus?” James said, his hazel eyes twinkling in the lantern light of their dorm. “Tell us about you?”

“Um, there isn't much, really.” Remus shrugged, going back to his trunk and looking for his pyjamas. “I’m from London, my Dad works for the ministry.”

“How perfectly ordinary.” James yawned, rolling onto his back, and throwing his legs over Sirius. 

“Not all of us can have famous families.” Sirius shoved him, the two boys quickly ending up in a wrestling match on the floor. 

Remus sighed, he could handle being perfectly ordinary for however long that lasted. 

***  
“Look, Remus, I know.” Sirius said, his eyes a little crazy as he pushed Remus back into the broom closet he had dragged him into. 

“You know?” Remus stuttered, looking around wildly. Was it his lycanoprathy? Was it the crush that had been steadily developing the past two years. 

“I know.” Sirius said, his eyes wild as he pushed his mass of curls out of his face. “About your furry little problem.” 

“My- uh- I don’t know what you are talking about.” Remus stuttered, trying to push past his friend to get himself out of the tight space. 

“You’re a werewolf. James said I was crazy, but I know it is true!” 

“I am- I am- Sirius, I can't.” Remus felt his eyes flooding with tears. Despite the lies and pain of his transformations, these two years had been the happiest he could remember. He closed his eyes tightly and prayed for this to be over. Sirius would tell James, and James’ parents would surely have him removed. 

“Hey Remus, hey.” Sirius cooed, his voice suddenly soft, his hands moving up to wipe at the tears spilling over. “Why are you crying?” 

“Because, everything is over, you blokes will all hate me now, and this is the first times that I have had friends and-”

“Hey hey,” Sirius smiled, his hands still gentle on Remus’s face. “This isn't a bad thing, now we know we can help.” 

“Help?” 

“Once I finish celebrating that James was wrong and I was right.” Sirius grinned, letting Remus go and stepping back. “Then we will work out how we will help.”

***

“This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.” Remus, recently nicknamed Moony by his friends, chided as he prodded his wand at their map, coming along but still under construction. 

“It’s going to work, Moony.” Sirius grunted, jotting notes into their worn journal. “James and Peter are getting the mandrake leaves, we put them in our mouths at next week's full moon, and everything else for the spell is falling into place.” 

“I really don't think I am worth all of this.” Remus said, worrying the skin around his thumb nail with his teeth. “You guys are too young-” 

“At Uagadou School, they teach kids when they are fourteen, and I bet they aren't half as clever as we are.” Sirius snorted, leaning over to prod his own wand to the map. “I want the map to particularly insult Snape's nose if he ever gets his greasy mitts on it, after that dig he gave you last week.”

“He told Lily and Catherine that I don’t like girls.” Remus shrugged, focusing on the footsteps of James and Peter appearing on the map. “Lily smacked him on my behalf and stormed off in a huff with James, which I think hurt Snivles more than the smack did.”

“He didn't need to say it, is all.” Sirius huffed, giving up on the note book and flinging himself onto Remus’ bed. “Not to mention old Cathy is the biggest gossip in the school, and you’ll take a girl out when you are good and ready, I bet.” 

Sirius noted the way Remus flushed, folding up the map and turning to lean against Peter’s bed. Sirius had to admit that he enjoyed the attention of a different girl each week, while James only entertained other witches if there was a chance of making Lily Evans jealous, hell, even Peter had scored a smooch off of some Hufflepuff during the last Hogsmeade visit, but Remus never seemed to even glance twice at any of the witches in the school. 

“And what if what he said was true.” Remus spat, throwing his wand down on top of the map. “What if, as well as being a werewolf, I’m also gay.” 

“Blimey, you dont say.” Sirius nodded, visibly processing what his friend had just told him and clearly looking for the right words to respond. “Well, that narrows the playing field for you a little, my friend.” 

“What does?” James said, bounding into the room with a vase of fresh mandrake leaves, Peter close behind. 

“Moony here, tells me he is a shirtlifter.” Sirius replied, casual as ever but making Peter and James both stop in their tracks and Remus want to melt into the floor. 

“You like blokes?” Peter asked, flinging his wand onto his nightstand as he quickly stripped his robes and school clothes and replaced them with his pyjamas. “I always thought the idea of buggery was a bit aggressive, me.” 

“Yeah but if you think about it.” James added, following suit before throwing himself down onto the floor beside Remus and handing him a bar of chocolate. “Who would know how to handle your bits better than another bloke.” 

“True.” Sirius joined in, while Remus glanced around at his friends and wondered what he had done to make them so understanding of everything he threw at them. Maybe he should test the waters, tell them that he liked to play dress up as Professor Mcgonnagall and perform muggle pop songs. “I was with Ruthie Pinkle last week and she was real bold, shoving my pants down around my knees, but once she got a hold of me she had no idea what to do. Maybe sweet Moony here has the right idea and I should be looking for a bloke to do me proper.” 

Not for the first time when his fellow Gryffendors got caught up in a bit of blue talk, he wished that the floor would open up and drop him inside. The other boys continued joking around, sharing sweets they had hidden away as they traded banter. 

Remus looked at his friends in wonder. Maybe they would finish their map, and maybe the others would come through with their crazy plan to give him company at the full moon. 

And Maybe, the next time Snape was rude to him, Remus would just punch him in his already too big nose. 

***

“You know, wolves and dogs can interbreed.” Sirius said groggily, when Remus returned from the hospital wing for his post full moon check up, to find Sirius napping in his animagus form in the middle of Remus’ bed. 

For the very first time, he had drunk his potion and gone to the Shack, only to find the giant black dog that was his best friend skipping breakfast to wait for him. 

For the first time, Instead of carrying on and hurting himself, they had wrestled and played, and howled at the moon through the dirty glass. 

For the first time he could remember, he was sore from the transformation,and had some minor bruises or scratches, but he was not his usual mess from him hurting himself while in his wolf form.

Before Professor McGonnagal had come for him in the morning, Sirius had slipped out of the passageway, returning back to their dorm to report back to the others.

“You right there.” Remus replied, disposing of his ripped shirt and finding a fresh school shirt. He was probably being presumptive, no matter how good he felt, he would probably make it to breakfast and then would need to come back up and spend the day in bed. But really, it would be the first time that he had the energy to even entertain the idea of going to classes the day after a full moon, usually he barely managed to leave the hospital wing.

“Yeah.” Sirius smiled, stretching out and rubbing his hand over the large tattoo stretching across his sternum, the hair having just started growing back after being shaved for the ink. “There was a lovely letter from my mother waiting for me when I got back.” 

“And what does Madame’ Black have to say?” Remus asked, tearing his eyes away from the pull and stretch of his friend’s muscles as he found his own school shirt. 

“She was letting me know that my cousin Bella got married to some Lestrange bloke. The whole family is delighted.” Sirius rolled his eyes, finding his school tie and fixing it with deft fingers. “Oh, and I am still a disgrace.”

“It’s nice she thinks to let you know.” he grimaced, his shoulder twinging as he pulled on his robes, glancing at the cane he sometimes used in the days after a full moon before deciding against it. 

“So, dogs and wolves.” Sirius said, clearly done with talking about his family. “Wanna explore that a bit more, Moony?” 

“You are insufferable.” Remus rolled his eyes, but let Sirius pull him in close anyway. Since the first night in the dorm, when James and Sirius had jumped on his bed, they had always been overly tactile, something the wolf side of him craved, but the human side was too scared to ask for outright. 

This time, Sirius handled him without the undertone of friendship, his hands too gentle and familiar on Remus’ hips as he maneuvered him into the light streaming in the window. 

“Poppy did a good job of patching you up, didn't she.” Sirius whispered, running two fingers over the red scratch on Remus’ neck that had been fresh only a couple hours earlier.

“You’re gonna get Poppy in trouble with Madam Ingram, acting all familiar like that.” Remus whispered. Despite the cricks in his back post-transformation, he still had a good inch on Sirius. From this angle his eyelashes looked impossibly thick, and he could see the hint of freckles that dusted his nose that he heard the girls whisper about. On sirius’ left hand, between the first and second knuckle, he’d had the phases of the moon tattooed, the full moon falling on his ring finger. Remus focused on the tattoo now.

“Looks like the two of you are in a whole lot of trouble.” James scoffed, leaning against the doorway. “Lils noticed both of you were missing from breakfast.”

“And have been looking very cozy.” Peter added, ducking in under James’ arm and making a kissy face at the pair. 

“You know, when you told me that you have been thinking about dicks a lot, I really didn't think it was Moony’s you were after.” James added with a smirk, winking and then taking off down the stairs as Sirius hurtled after him, their moment well and truly over.

“How do you feel, Moony?” Peter asked, laughing as a loud crash signalled James and Sirius making it to the bottom of the staircase. 

“You know, I have been worse.” he smiled, trying to pick up his book bag, and letting Peter as he took over, before they followed the noise downstairs that was James and Sirius. 

*** 

“It was really bad then.” Remus said, leaning on the door frame to what was the Potter’s spare room. “With your parents?”

“Yeah, but you know I covered my room in Gryffindor banners before I left, and then added a few Muggle bikini girls on motorbikes for good measure.” Sirius grinned from where he was picking apart the knots in his wet hair. “Even added a letter, ‘Dearest Mother and father, just letting you know the first born son of your perfect pure blooded family has an affinity for taking it up the arse. Hope you are well. Your son, Sirius Black” 

“But you are ok?” Remus snorted, trying not to laugh as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. At Hogwarts, Sirius was the messiest of the four of them, but here in James’ childhood home, his school trunk and other belongings were neatly stacked up against the closet, as if he was trying to take up as little space as possible. 

“As much as any 16 year old wizard who has been thrown out on said arse by his family can be.” Sirius grinned, although his eyes looked dull. Deciding he was done with detangling his hair, he flipped his head over, working over his scalp with his finger tips to separate his curls like Remus had seen him do a million times at school. 

Lost in his thoughts, he was startled when Mrs Potter knocked softly on the door, a pile of fluffy fresh towels in her arms.

“James managed to get through to young Lily on the muggle phone.” She said warmly, “Dinner will be served at seven and then I dare say James will have something planned for your last night before you boys head back to school.” 

“Thankyou for having me, Mrs Potter.” Remus said, earning a laugh from the older witch. “I wouldn't want to be bother, but my parents had to leave the country on business.”

“Nonsense dear. Friends of our James are always welcome. We know it is a pressing time for your father’s department at the moment.” She smiled again, reaching out to pat his arm gently. 

“Mum! What are you doing in here?” James said, bouncing into the room and throwing his arm around his mother’s shoulders, dropping a kiss on her neat hair. “Hoping to trade dad in for a younger model?”

“James!” She laughed, righting herself when her son let her go.

“Mum has always said that Dad was just her starter Wizard.” James continued, throwing himself on Remus in greeting. “Moony! So glad you made it! I’m starting to need back up in stopping Sirius from becoming the Great tattooed Wizard! He’s fast running out of skin the rate he’s going.” 

“James Potter!” Mrs Potter laughed, swatting at her son as her husband joined them in the room to watch as Sirius pulled both Remus and James down onto the bed and into an all out wrestling match. 

Dinner was set up in the garden, and as it was a rather casual affair, despite the rolling gardens of the Potter’s estate, and as such, Sirius appeared to have forgotten to button his shirt, revealing a line of new rune tattoos, following the sharp line of his collarbone. His hair, freshly washed and treated, bounced around his face in a mane of wild curls, eventually held back in a makeshift bun using his wand to hold it in place.

After dinner there was a few rounds of parlour games and brandy, after James’ parents had retired and James had convinced the house elves to give it up. Remus was feeling pleasantly warm when James grabbed his coat and two bottles from the drinks cart.

“Well lads, I trust that the two of you will find a way of occupying yourselves.” James grinned, pushing one bottle of brandy into Remus’s hands, while tucking a second bottle into his robes. “I have a date planned, and I best get going before Lily changes her mind and doesn't come to the window.”

“Right on, Prongs.” Sirius winked, hurling himself upright from where he was lounging across a settee. “Just be back before morning because I don't want to be explaining to your mum just where her innocent baby boy has gotten to.” 

James smirked, throwing them a wink as he whirled from the room with a pop. 

“Well then, no point in sitting down here.” Sirius laughed, moving from the room without so much as a backwards glance as he made his way back up stairs. Back inside the bedroom, Sirius stripped his shirt, folding it on top of his trunk for packing before throwing open the windows to let in the balmy night air. 

“How many tattoos have you gone and got?” Remus asked, narrowing his eyes at the familiar script along Sirius’ left shoulder. “Because it appears as though some of my alchemy notes have gone astray.” 

Sirius laughed, his long fingers rubbing at his shoulder, not able to reach back to where the tattoo was. 

“They’re nice.” Sirius laughed, turning to point at another along his right flank. “I found your notebook from when you stashed it in the bottom of my book bag when I was packing up to leave, and then there was a muggle tattoo shop on my way here.” Sirius explained, holding up his arm to show the neat lines of writing, this time in english, along the line of his bicep. “One thing lead to another

“I solemnly swear I am up to no good.” Remus laughed, stepping forward to get a better look. 

“Do you like them?” Sirius asked quietly, holding still as Remus gently touched at the coloured marks on his friend’s skin. “James tried to tell me you’d be turned off.” 

“And you worry about that? Turning me off?” Remus replied, following the line of tattoos down Sirius’ arm to his wrist, finding his own name, in small, neat runes, etched into the delicate skin there. 

“That was actually the first one.” Sirius whispered. “There is a wizard in Hogsmead who’ll do it cheap for students. He’s enchanted a wizard tattoo gun and all. I got these after we had that fight before the last visit of the year- when you were doing your whole PMS routine.”

“So you went and got my name permanently embedded on your skin.” Remus huffed a laugh, James and Sirius had started referring to him as being irrational and grumpy in the days before the full moon as ‘pre- moon syndrome’. Pushing at Sirius’ shoulder, he made him turn so he could look closely at the tattoos on his back, pushing his curls aside to see the one on the nape of his neck. “McGonagall is going to flip at the uniform violations.” 

“You wanna talk about McGonagall?” Sirius asked, turning around again and making Remus realise how close they have gotten. “Now? Moony?” 

Remus huffed out a laugh. Since the very first time he had met Sirius, there had been something different. Something different in his smile, in his touch. 

And now, something altogether different marking his skin.

Remus took the plunge, ducking his head and pressing his lips to the corner of Sirius’ mouth. 

“You’re unreal. You know that, Moony?” Sirius huffed, his voice a whispered laugh as he grabbed Remus’ face in his hands and pressed a bruising, real kiss to his lips. 

Things escalated quickly, the brandy forgotten on the bedside as Sirius stripped Remus of his clothes and dragged him towards the bed. 

“I’m sorry.” Remus all but moaned, as Sirius pushed him back into the pillows and loomed over him. “For the way I look.” 

“I see you.” Sirius said, his hands finding Remus’ face as he gently thrust his hips forward as if looking to prove it to the boy under him. “Don't be sorry, don't ever be sorry.” 

Remus gasped, arching up into Sirius as they got lost in the feeling of rutting against each other. 

It was over far too quick, everything feeling far too good and in a flurry of body parts, they found themselves spread across the double bed; the evidence of what they had done drying in a mess on Remus’ stomach.

“Things will be different now.” Remus said quietly, reaching for his shirt to clean up. He was lying still sprawled across the bed, while Sirius, still naked, pulled himself from the bed to hang himself half out of the open window to smoke a cigarette. 

“Well yeah.” Sirius drawled, putting out his smoke on the outer window frame before stashing the pack back in his pile of school supplies and hopping, still naked across the room. 

This, Rumus doubted, would ever change; Sirius’ comfort at being naked. Half of the plans that Sirius suggested involved him taking off his clothes at some point. Even during their last Potions lesson, when Slughorn was having each class member describe the smell of their freshly brewed Amortentia. After James had described, in intricate detail, the smell of Lily’s shampoo, but before Slughorn could turn his attention to Remus, Peter had pushed Sirius into his cauldron, drenching him in the potion. 

In a flash, Sirius had stripped his robes and school uniforms, leaving behind a sodden pile as a group of Ravenclaws began to cheer and whistle. 

“Hey, get out of your head.’ Sirius said, jumping back onto the bed and looming over Remus once again. 

“What did the Amortentia smell like to you?” Remus asked, pulling up the covers higher to cover his chest. 

“Honestly?” Sirius laughed, gripping the sheets to expose the skin that had just been covered. “It smelled like you- like books and chocolate and that stupid salve Poppy uses on your cuts. Not to lie to you, I picked a fight with Peter so he’d push me and I could get out of there.”

Despite himself, Remus smiled. When he had smelled the potion, he had gotten a clear vision of Sirius; his cologne, the fancy ink he insisted on importing from Germany, the honey he used to sweeten his tea and smother all over his toast in the mornings. 

“I love you, ok, you sod.” Sirius beamed, pressing kisses along Remus’ jaw and making him squirm as he worked his way into the sheet cocoon Remus had created for himself. Remus felt warm, not just from the brandy or the body squirming against his, but from within. He couldn't help but grin as Sirius settled against him, his face tucked into his neck. 

“I love you too, Padfoot.”

***

“Melody Finnegan seems to be telling everyone that she is going to Hogsmeade with you today.” Remus said, throwing his book bag down and sending a filthy look in Peter’s direction to let him know to leave the dormitory. 

“You would be the one that doesn't want ‘the whole bloody school to know about us’.” Sirius replied, turning the page in his book without looking up. “Just trying to throw them off the scent.” 

“You know that's not what I meant.” Remus snarled, stalking towards the end of Sirius’ bed to properly glare down at him. He’d just come from the breakfast, where the entire school seemed to be in a tis that Sirius Black was ending his dry spell with perhaps the hottest witch in the school. 

“You don't want to be seen with me Moony.” Sirius hissed, closing his book and grabbing his jacket, as if he was preparing to leave. Not to be outdone, Remus turned on his heel and stormed from the room, forcing himself not to turn around when Sirius muttered. “I am trying to do my best here.” 

“What I actually asked for, was you not to suck on my earlobe when Professor Sprout is assessing me.” he yelled from the landing, not able to help himself, he let the door slam behind him. It was never that he didn't want to be seen with Sirius, but years of trying to make himself as invisible as possible, he was not prepared to be in love with the loudest personality at Hogwarts. 

He seethed the entire way to the village, terrifying the 3rd years on their first visit he was meant to be supervising for Professor McGonagall. Once in the village, Remus took his job as Head Boy seriously, taking pride in telling younger students the story of the shrieking shack and watching as they all looked at the building in terror. Once the kids were all happy running around the village, Remus ducked by Honeydukes, using his position to skip the cue and head back out into the cool street. 

“Moony!” he heard James call, the other Marauder ducking out from a side street. “Hey, Moony!”

“Prongs.” Remus plastered on a smile. “What were you doing down at the Hog’s Head?” 

In answer, James grinned as he lifted the bottom of his t-shirt, showing the freshly inked lily across his hip.

“Went and took a lesson from Pads.” He grinned harder. “Lily will be real impressed I’m sure.” 

“Yeah, well I wouldn't be taking too many lessons from Padfoot.” Remus shrugged. 

“You two fighting again?” James tutted, fixing his shirt gently so the fabric didn't rub at the plastic covering his new tattoo. “Well Bobby Kester is still set up at the Hog’s Head for the next couple hours, maybe you can get ‘Sirius Black is a dick head’ tattood, you know it will always be true even if you guys fizzle. ” 

As James all but galloped off to no doubt go meet Lily, Remus took a moment to be taken aback. Did James expect that they would run fast and hot, fizzling before they had even really begun while he and Lily skipped off into the sunset together. Barking at some fourthyears who strayed to close, Remus set his resolve, taking off down the side street towards the old pub, finding the young wizard known for giving tattoos still set up in one corner. 

“What’ll it be, love.” the wizard, Bobby, asked, flicking the thick ring through his bottom lip with his tongue. “Two sickles and nothing naughty.” 

Remus blanched. His friends had trusted this guy, he could do this. 

“Right.” He said, stealing himself and pulling his money from his pocket along with a piece of parchment he had taken to carrying around. 

He could do this.

Once his duties were all done and he was back in the dormitory, Remus was shocked to find Sirius still sitting on his bed, where he had left him earlier. 

“How was Melody?” Remus asked, trying not to wince when he pulled his jumper off and throwing it towards the hamper. “I didn't see you guys in the village at all?”

“Didn't go, did I.” Sirius growled, slumping down against his pillows. “Surprised you didn’t hear about it already.”

“Why would I have?” he couldn't help himself in biting back. 

“So it only ended in a bloody screaming match in the entrance hall, didn't it.” Sirius hissed, slumping down and hugging his pillow. “She accused me of being a poof, and of course Regulus was there, so now my parents will know.”

“What did you say?” he asked, pressing his fingers lightly into the raw skin on his pectoral, all in all the worst part of the whole ordeal had been the shaving of the hair there, in comparison the buzz and sting of the needle was strangely comforting, even now. 

“Well I can't do you dirty like that could I?” he snapped. “I stood there and took it while half the female population of the school aired my dirty laundry.” 

Remus could only stare. Sirius looked partly broken, half curled on his bed. 

“Meghan Taylor critiqued my kissing, apparently it is like kissing a muggle washing machine, don't you know? Bernie Clemmont told the whole school that I called your name when we hooked up.” 

“Sirius.” 

“Tilly Makins confirmed that one, apparently it was a bit of a habit for a while in fifth year.” Sirius huffed. “Then they collectively decided I must be a bottom, which might be true but beside the point, Reg was all but taking notes for mother at that stage.” 

Sirius was spiraling. Remus stood in the middle of the room, usure of how else he could stop it, he kicked off his shoes and his pants. 

Not having noticed, Sirius continued his tirade;

“Lacey McIntosh also had a lot to say, mainly about how much I liked a cheeky finger up my bum- not that she gave me much choice.” 

“Pads.”

“And I just stood there like a fool, because I didn't want them to go and start on you.” 

“Padfoot.” Remus continued, removing his sweater and then his button up, standing in only his shorts and undershirt.

“And then Lily turned up and went proper mental at everyone, and when she had scared them off she gave me a serve, and here I am- what are you doing?”

“I- I did something.” Remus stuttered, fisting his undershirt before pulling it off and dropping it with the rest of his clothes. “For you.”

Sirius sat bolt upright, his eyes locked on Remus’ scared chest, while he tried not to shrink under the heated gaze.

“Is that? That's my handwriting”

It had taken him a minute to find, buried amongst Sirius’ things, but eventually he found his old Runes note book and had carefully lifted the ones he wanted in Sirius’ tight print. 

Loyalty. Protection. Home. 

Sirius was up and on him, pulling him in by his shorts and pressing in close to get a good view of the tattoo. 

“You defaced your body for me.” Sirius said, his smile splitting his face. 

“You say that like you didn't cover half your body in tattoos about me.” Remus laughed, as Sirius began peppering kisses all over him. “If anyone asks I am going to tell them it's about my Golden retriever I had when I was a kid.” 

“James pointed out to me, when I told him we were gonna be together now, what breed of dog my animagus form is.” Sirius snorted, pulling Remus in for a kiss. 

“Yeah?” 

“A wolf hound.” 

***

“So James told me you pitched a fit when he offered you money.” Sirius smiled, holding up two bottles of fire whiskey as he pushed past a stunned looking Remus into his flat. 

It hadn't been long after they had finished at Hogwarts that both of Remus’s parents had passed away, and after settling his parent’s estate, there had been enough money to purchase a small house with a secure basement for full moons. Jobs were few and far between for people in his condition so while he had a roof over his head, the notion of keeping the lights on and food available was getting more precarious with each full moon that passed. He found some temporary work, caring for and rehabilitating some minor magical creatures, but even that was precarious around the full moon. Earlier that day he had taken delivery of an injured grindylow, now sitting angrily in a tank in the corner of the room. 

James had made a show of taking him to lunch and offering him a monthly allowance. Remus was fresh out of a transformation and was moody and sore. So the offers reception had not been his finest moment. 

“And you are here now because?” 

“Because you and I could come to an arrangement, I know we might not be at this stage yet, but I still have access to money, but any house I try and buy becomes part of the Black Estate.” Sirius flopped down onto the worn sofa. Opening one of the bottles and taking a swig.

“So?” Remus asked, following his friend into the living room and taking the un-opened bottle for himself. 

“So, you have a house, I have money. You need to eat and I need somewhere to sleep- preferably near you.” Sirius drawled, shoving a battered throw cushion behind his head to prop himself up further. 

“Do you think that is really a good idea?” Remus asked, focusing on the case of Bowtruckle hatchlings that he should really be cleaning out, rather than the slither of belly Sirius was exposing. “This place isn't exactly huge, what will people think?” 

“That we finally shacked up.” Sirius shrugged. “Look, Moons, I don’t know about you but I got over any sad I had about being into blokes about two minutes after the first time you kissed me. I don't know about you but I can't even remember the last time I even looked twice at anyone else.” 

“It’s only been you.” Remus grumbled. “You know that.” 

“So what do you say?” Sirius grinned, waggling his eyebrows. “You wanna cause a real scandal? You wanna live together?”

Remus couldn't help himself in grinning back. Sirius was infectious and things were getting hairy out in the world and maybe they would be safer if they stuck together. 

“Merlin, you have no idea.” 

***

“What is this?” Remus asked. Holding the paperwork he had just received at arm’s length. 

“Oh that.” Sirius said, not looking up from the Prophet. “They would be the registration forms I had drawn up at Gringotts.” 

“But, Sirius,” Remus said quietly, looking down at the fine print, sums and balances. “I don't understand.”

“James and Lily made me think of it.” Sirius explained, laying down the newspaper and holding out a quill to Remus. “I went with James to get Lily written into the Potter inheritance and while I can’t marry you- yet- I can do this,” Sirius grinned “and if it just happens to tick off my parents while the whole family are busy celebrating my cousin marrying a Malfoy, well then that is just swell.” 

“So this is just you finding another way to disgrace the most noble and ancient house of Black?” Remus narrowed his eyes, knocking Sirius' quill aside as he placed the forms down on their tiny dining table. 

“Or it is my way of trying to look after you- if something happens.” Sirius said, picking up the quill and holding it out again. “The war is getting bad out there Moons, and I want you to have access to anything I can give you- they could try and disown me for being a Gryffindor, but they still can't make my blood any less than what it is.”

“I can just imagine the look on your mother’s face if she caught me in your family vault.” Remus snapped, aggressively dunking his tea bag in his cup. “I’m sure the first werewolf on the family tree will go over splendidly.” 

“According to Griphook when I was at Gringotts, as the eldest male in the generation, there isn’t a whole lot they can do to bar my inheritance. When they die- the house at Grimmauld Place will be mine- ours if you sign the bloody paper.” 

“And what- we move into that house of horrors when your parents die?” 

“Or we sell it to my brother because you know he will still want to live there, and use the money to get a trendy flat in Berlin- or to renovate the Black Chateau in the French countryside if that is more your style.” 

“You have a house in Paris?” Remus questioned, picking up the papers again and filing through them to the assets page. 

“The family does- and while we don't need anything from them- or even want it- I have a birth right, Moony. And while I would be happy to live in this tiny house with you for the rest of our lives, if something happens to me- I want to know you would be looked after.” 

“Are you planning on leaving me, Padfoot?” Remus asked, knocking the papers away and pulling the young man towards him by his belt loops. 

“Nothing is certain, Moony- the Prewett’s were killed this week, when we were on duty, Arthur said that Molly is a mess- expecting another baby and to have both her brother’s killed in such a way. What kind of world is little Harry going to grow up in?” 

“I would like some changes.” Remus sighed, thumbing through the papers and adjusting his glasses on his nose. “In light of your new godfather status and our, uh, inability to procreate. Shall we negotiate, Mr Black?”

“We can negotiate.” Sirius smiled, pulling out a blank parchment to jot down notes. 

“Now first of all, tell me about this chateau.” 

*** 

“Where were you.” Remus asked, coming up from the basement feeling sore and worn. New scratches littered his chest and there was a nasty bite on his thigh from where he had bit at himself the night before. 

“Wouldn't you like to know?” Sirius growled, his eyes wild as he looked around the flat, a letter clenched in his hand. “My brother is dead, but you probably knew that.” 

“Padfoot, how would I know that?” Remus asked, pulling on a pair of soft pyjama pants from where he had left them the night before he had descended the stairs. 

“I don’t know, Moony.” Sirius slumped down, holding his head and looking defeated. “Look, I think I need to go for a while- Dumbledore has a job for me to do, and if we are separated-” 

“If we are separated?” Remus asked, noting he had never seen Sirius look so worn. His curls looked matted, and his skin looked dry, his tattooed skin showing as blue rather than the staunch black he was used to. 

“If we are separated.” Sirius repeated, “Broken up. Done. We can’t be used against each other.” 

“You think they will try?” Remus asked, giving into himself and crossing the room, straddling Sirius and pinning him to the couch with gentle force. “You think this is what's best?”

“You can't be that naive?” Sirius whispered, his hands coming to rest on Remus’ hips, gentle not to anger any new scratches. 

“James and Lily are going into hiding with Harry, Dumbledore has a plan.” Remus whispered, his hands gentle as they found Sirius’ face. 

“I love you Moony. I didn't want my last memory of you to be of the full moon. I couldn't go down there with you last night.” his grey eyes brimming with tears. “I don’t want us to be enemies.” 

“We won't.” Remus whispered, bending to press kisses into Sirius’ face. “We won't ever let that happen.”

Sirius smiled sadly, letting Remus take the lead, stripping them both of their clothes until they were naked together on the couch and their kisses turned from gentle and loving to hurried and desperate. 

This was it. Their last time. 

He had convinced James to change their secret keeper from him to Peter. Peter and Peter alone would know where they were going.

When Voldemort came looking for the Potters, and he would. Sirius knew the Death Eater’s first move would be to come for him- he was the obvious choice. They wouldn't blink at the idea of using Remus against him. Dumbledore had some plan involving getting the werewolf population of london on side, a plan that Sirius knew that Remus was apprehensive of.

As Remus grappled for the muggle lubricant and began to prep him, Sirius felt tears start to run down his cheeks. 

For the past 10 years of his life, Remus had been the love of his life, and in his opinion, a better love story than James and Lily ever were. 

He was being noble. He would go off on this mission for Dumbledore, and Moony would stay here in London and keep their bed warm. Peter would keep Lily and James’ secret and one day, when this was all over, he and Remus would move to the Black Chataue in France, be gay, drink wine and dedicate a lot of time to being Harry’s fabulous uncles. 

Dumbledore had told him, this all wasn't forever. 

Whispering his love into Remus’ scratched up skin he held on tight. 

Let them have a good memory to hang on to. 

***

As it turned out, the melancholy of their farewell is what saved Sirius. 

The Dementors that guarded him fed off the happy memories of the prisoners. What they couldn't feed on was his rage and hate for his former friend and at the injustice that had befallen him.

He was Sirius Black, the disgrace of his most noble family. He had broken the love of his life’s heart the last time he had seen him. He had lost his best friends in the worst way. 

And he was innocent of the crimes he was accused of. 

In trying to hurt him, the Minister of Magic had bought him a present. Taken from their flat when the ministry ransacked it and ripped it from it’s frame. A picture of him and Remus at Harry’s christening, the little baby tucked into the crook of his arm and Moony looking at him like he had hung the stars. 

His heart was already broken. All the picture did was cement his resolve. 

Harry was with Lily’s squib sister, Moony was alone in the world. 

Curled up in his animagus form in his cell in Azkaban, he imagined the rat he had just ripped apart was his once friend Peter. 

He would have his revenge. He would get his family back. 

And then he would be happy again. 

***

“I assume you never sold my parent’s house.” Sirius asked, as they marched a squealing Peter through the tunnel from the shack back towards the school, Snape levitating behind them, while Harry and Hermione tried to balance Ron between them.

His heart hadn’t stopped thundering in his chest once he had spotted both Peter and Sirius on the map. Sirius had seen better days, he was still in his prisoner rags and he could all but see the lice jumping from his scalp. 

Maybe Dumbledore will let them sneak off to his quarters, to the luxurious bath just off his bedroom so he could wash Sirius down. His clothes weren’t anything special, but he could make sure that Sirius was clean and warm at least.

The ministry would come, there would be interviews and debriefing, maybe Sirius would be taken back into custody for a little while the official pardon was drawn up. The paper work was sitting in the top drawer of his night stand, a little dusty from the years since Sirius’ mother had died, leaving them the sole beneficiary of the Black fortune.

“No- I, when your brother died, and then your parents so quickly afterwards, I was so shocked to receive the deed the only thing that made sense to do was to lock it up tight.” Remus grunted, adjusting the gag so that Peter could make less noise. 

“And I suppose you were too proud to spend any of the money on yourself?” 

“Not true.” Remus grinned, earning one in return from Sirius “When I was closing up the house I liberated your father's Firewhiskey collection.”

“When my name is cleared.” Sirius whispered, gripping Remus’ neck. “I want us to be a family, you, me and Harry.” 

“Sirius-”

“If you’ll still have me, if Harry will have us, we can get the house in the country and try, can't we?” 

“I’d like that very much.” Remus couldn't help but grin, “I’ve got these two, go talk to your godson.”

***

Grimauld place had never been a happy place for Sirius. 

They had been in the middle of a lecture from Dumbledore about how their communication and need to be together was putting the order at risk when he had suggested it, Remus quickly agreeing. 

The Order would take over the house, the Weasley family would move in, and they would all have to keep poor Harry at a distance. 

“I wonder what upset my mother more?” Sirius asked Remus with a whisper as they stood on the doorstep, about to open up Sirius’ own personal hell for Order use. “My being a Gryffendor or my being wildly in love with a male werewolf.” 

Dumbledore shot them a look, while Remus chuckled as he moved forward with the key to the house. 

“I think I know which upsets Albus more.” Remus said one he had returned to his place alongside Sirius leaning on the front gate. The headmaster went inside the house, wand raised as he added to the security spells his father had already laid on thick. 

“This is going to end up the most secure house in Britain.” he rolled his eyes. His father would be so proud. 

“Better than some scummy cave.” Remus said with a nudge. The past year had been a flurry of being in hiding and trying to stay in contact. Sirius had spent half the time as Padfoot, trying to stay sane. When Dumbledore had come calling for them, he had stormed into Remus’ flat to find them in bed together. Sirius had been so shocked that he had transformed. All in all it must have been a comical sight, the headmaster standing at the foot of the bed while Sirius stood between him and Remus, hackles raised and snarling. 

“So, we are all aware,” Sirius said loudly, taking Remus’ hand as Dumbledore re-emerged from the house in time for Mad-eye Moody to apparate onto the road. “Remus and I will be sharing a bedroom, a bed in fact.” 

“Sirius.” Remus laughed, picking up their meagre bags as Dumbledore beaconed them all forward. “Really, was that necessary.” 

“I have half of what I always wanted, and while it is not strictly necessary to rub it in- you know I heard some stories in Azkaban, about just what Albus and Grindlewald got up to before they became enemies, and it makes sense that he is a bit frosty about the way we are?”

“The way we are?” 

“You know, out! Proud! Well as much as being a fugitive and a werewolf can be.” Sirius grinned. “Now once we are all moved in I am going to need you to nip down to Diagon Alley and pick up some gold for me, my wardrobe is in dire need of an update.” 

***

By the time that Harry arrived, Sirius had spent a large chunk of gold, the purchases all delivered to Remus’ house across town. 

New suits, shoes and a bottle of Sleekeazy’s had Sirius feeling a little bit more like the version of himself he was before. He had his young cousin Tonks slip out to the Muggle department store in London and bring him their fanciest moisturisers, returning some kind of quality to his skin and making his tattoos appear less blue. The other members of the order came and went each day, delivering the odds and ends he asked for as well as giving him information about the world and the human contact he craved, and best still; Remus made a point of taking up the pillow next to Sirius’ every night. 

“You are very dressed up.” Remus said, leaning in the doorway to Sirius’ childhood bedroom, his eyebrows raised as Sirius straightened his new suit, this one a rich maroon velvet. 

“I want to look nice for Harry.” Sirius replied, rubbing his fingers against his scalp to separate his curls, looking thick and glossy with the recent treatment they had been given. “After everything he has been through, this is the least I can do.” 

“I am sure Harry will appreciate it.” Remus moved into the room, coming to stand next to Sirius in the mirror. 

Remus pushed his hair out of his eyes, he was well overdue for a haircut, and had never managed to pull off ‘devil may care’ the way that Sirius could. Knowing Harry would be arriving, he had chosen his neatest clothes. The rest of the Order had grown used to their gentle touches and stolen kisses; Ron having learned the hard way to stay off their floor and away from their bedroom after lights out. 

“Sometimes, I pretend.” Sirius said with a small voice, focusing on their reflection in the mirror. “That none of the bad stuff happened and that James will pop by at any moment to give us the update on the mountain of kids they would have had.”

Remus smiled, pulling Sirius in and kissing his head. “And us?” 

“Kids? Not us. Dogs maybe.” Sirius laughed, adjusting his tie. “We’d be in France, on a vineyard. James and Lily would bring all the kids and you would complain endlessly about them chipping all your good china and trampling your rose bushes.” 

“You know, I have had a look, and Mundungus never managed to get into your parent’s wine cellar.” Remus said, wrapping Sirius up in his arms and rocking him gently. “And your mother’s roses are savable.” 

“For the rest of our lives?” Sirius asked, pulling the plain gold band from his breast pocket. He’d purchased the thing before his imprisonment, and by some piece of luck had still been stashed away under a loose floorboard in the house where he had left it. “Werewolf. Prisoner. The Order be damned. However long our life together may be.” 

Remus blinked for a moment, taking the ring and contemplating it before slipping it onto his finger. 

Catching the way Sirius’s eyes twinkled with tears he quickly pressed their mouths together in a kiss. 

“For the rest of our lives.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song by Gang of Youths.
> 
> My first fore into the HP fandom so please be gentle 
> 
> I've tried to do as much research as I could, if I have missed anything, I am sorry
> 
> Lots of Love.


End file.
